It's actually a very strategic game because in a split second, you're expected to summarize the X number of months/years it's been since you've seen this person, while simultaneously trying to make yourself sound successful AND interesting.
Absolutely exhausting.
BUT -- I've noticed a pattern. The only answer that really matters is the one to everyone's oh so favorite question:
"So, are you dating anyone?"
I honestly feel like I could say that I cured cancer or that I've decided to become a nudist, but the only detail that will really resonate is my relationship status. Now, I've constructed many, many ways to say that I'm single.
1. "I'm not really dating anyone right now. I just want to focus on school and get settled first."
2. "Psh! No boyfriend for me! Too much work!"
3. "I'm just looking for the right guy. I'm ready for something more long term."
Whenever I use #3, I laugh inside because it is just a ridiculous thing to say. Let's face it -- we're all shallow douchebags who don't really know what we SHOULD look for in a mate. We know what we want, but that's rarely what we need in order to foster a healthy and happy relationship.
When we consciously look, we only see what we want to see. Period.
Now, I only mention this because of a text message I received this morning from a very, very confused young man. Let me take you back a couple of weeks...
WAIT. Before that, let me give you an idea of who I am at this point in time.
A Day in the Life of Angeli M. Picardo
8 AM: Wake up. Get ready for school.
12 PM: Eat.
1:30 PM: Study.
3 PM: Study break.
4 PM: Take a nap.
7 PM: Take a really pretty picture of myself.
7:02 PM: Take a nap.
10 PM: A quiet night in. Totally sober. Totally.
In short -- I talk like a sailor, live in a man cave, and I drink almost as much as I sleep.
Ok, back to the story. So I'm walking across campus to the bart station kind of dressed up because I'm meeting some friends in the city. Simple -- jeggings, boots, black sweater. I've got my Target "Play Bans" on and I'm walkin' kinda fast because I am really, really hoping to get something to eat before my train.
So, at this point I'm at a brisk power walk, in my own world debating whether I should get Top Dog or pizza...I remember a cheeseburger sounded really good..
...when suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and see this young man wearing some baggy jeans, a button down shirt and a backwards cap. Not exactly my "type" but at this point my type was a garlic brat with sauerkraut and extra ketchup...*drool*..
I give a friendly smile to this young gentleman expecting to give him directions or something. He says, "Hey, I just wanted to say that you're really cute. I really like your outfit and I like your vibe."
Legit almost burst out laughing because a few thoughts immediately flooded my mind,
A. You mean my frantic/fucking starving vibe?
B. I have sunglasses on my face. You have no idea if I'm cute or not. I could be a freakin' Yeti under these bad boys.
C. I just remembered that under my boots, I'm wearing turquoise socks with red and yellow marijuana leaves on them.
He continues, "Where are you going? I'm walking in your direction (lie -- definitely walking opposite direction). Can I walk with you?"
At this point, my food fantasy has fallen to pieces so I agree to have a walking buddy. Our conversation is well...I'll let you see for yourself, my inner monologue included.
Him: So, where are you from?
Me: Where do you think I'm from? [This should be interesting.]
Him: Well, by the way you dress and walk, I can tell you're into fashion and you're really edgy. And you really take care of yourself. I see that L.A. vibe from you. You from Hollywood or something?
REMINDER--
^^Edgy. Me: Ha, no I'm from here. [Oh, you sad, confused person, you.]
Him: That's cool, that's cool. Me too. So, why are you on campus this late? Busy studying for hours, I bet. Let me guess -- you're a business major. No, no. Biology. Maybe pre-med?
Me: [HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH] Actually, I'm an English major.
At this point in the conversation, I can't wipe the smile off my face. I think he thought I was just so smitten and taken by his flattery, but in reality, I felt so, so bad for this guy. BRO, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO.
L.A.? Fashion? PRE-MED???
This is when I was really convinced that the way we look for a significant other is so, so wrong. People's outward appearances have become mere templates for whatever creative back story/personality someone wants to imagine. I am by no means innocent of this. I see someone 6', clean cut with a nice smile and I automatically think he's my type. He could be dumb as rocks or as interesting as carpet lint, but I'll always somehow convince myself that he is a great guy for me and totally has future aspirations of building schools in Africa or something noble like that.
Bottom line: I shouldn't be looking for the right guy. That's just--as demonstrated by my misinformed admirer--a really bad idea.
This guy saw L.A., edgy, high-fashion.
Reality? Well...
So, the next time you just SEE someone and think "Man, they're totally my type,"
...just remember...
