I was naked around more than one person this weekend.
I wasn't in Tijuana, so rule out donkey shows. I'm still alive, so I wasn't a part of the Bodies Exhibit. No, I just did some good ol' fashioned skinny-dipping.
I drove down to San Jose for a friend's surprise birthday party--a long drive but I'd go a million miles JuSs cUz I LuV dOiN' h00drAt ShYt wiT mAh freNdZ. So, after several "long time no see"s and a very successful surprise (this is, like, the fourth time we've surprised her; we're a little concerned whether or not she’s actually aware that people are constantly keeping secrets from her), the party began with a bang.
And by bang I mean tequila.
We took a few shots, drank some beers, played some pong (since we're all adults), took a few more shots, and a few more...
So, fast forward maybe 45 minutes into the party, and Angie is feeling rather toasty.
Facebook Update: Angie Picardo and Jose Cuervo are in a relationship, and it's complicated.
The party was slowing down a little at that point. People were having mellow, drunken conversations, the munchies were making their rounds. So, I stepped into my office (went to the bathroom) so I could collect my thoughts (pee for 6 minutes straight), and I thought to myself, "Hey, you. You're pretty drunk. I don’t think you’re done being drunk yet. Let's go swimming."
Now, I'm not one to toot my own horn, but when I set my mind to something, I make sure it gets done. If I say I'm gonna leave my homework to the last minute, god dammit, that shit's getting done with only seconds to spare.
I'm ambitious.
So, I stepped out of the bathroom and stood next to the pool, fully clothed. In my mind I had imagined an epic Anchor Man-like moment in which the music screeched in time for my grand speech and perfect cannon ball. Instead, I was barely standing, only able to drunkenly grunt, "Hey Taylor! Happy birthday!" I then jumped into the pool, getting high enough to plunge me to the bottom of the pool.
You know those moments in movies where everything goes in slow mo, and a moment that actually lasts 4 seconds somehow leaves time for 5 minutes of thought? If not, you've never watched television and have no connection to the outside world. Go watch a movie and you'll get it, you freaking shut-in. Go find friends, you lonely, sad human being.
:)
Well, when I was under water, a few thoughts crossed my mind:
1. My shoes are on.
2. I think I forgot how to swim
3. I’m really, really obnoxious.
I, personally, think I am a really obnoxious person. I’m loud, drunk (perpetually), inappropriate, and far more “bro” than I’m willing to admit. I’ve actually made a conscious effort to restrain myself and keep quiet in social situations.
I have a little work to do. P.S. What up, left boob?
Most nights after drinking or just being out with people, I usually regret something I said or did just because when I think back, I was just straight up irritating. But today I stumbled upon something on…StumbleUpon.
It was an explanation of the “Gift Theory.” Ken Page, a New York based psychotherapist, starts by describing our “core gifts,” or the qualities we possess that best help us find love. He relates it to romantic love, but I think it fits for all different kinds of love, romantic or platonic.
He says that we may decide that we’re too quiet, too aggressive, too loud, etc., but actually those are the qualities that we should pay most attention to; these are often the qualities that make up our core gifts.
He describes the model for his theory as a target with a bullseye and concentric rings that surround the center. At the center are our core gifts, our most intense and authentic qualities. You’d think that tapping into these qualities as soon as we discover them would make sense, but since these are our most powerful and concentrated qualities, that isn’t such a great idea. I liked the way Page described it:
[Our core gifts] get us in trouble again and again. We become most defensive or most naïve around them. They challenge us and the people we care about. They ask more of us than we want to give. And we can feel devastated when we feel them betrayed or rejected.
Since our core is so intense, we protect ourselves by moving further away from the center, out into the larger rings of the target. The further away we get, the safer we feel, the less trouble we cause for ourselves. But this safety comes at a price. We begin to forget who we are and lose touch with our authentic selves.
Think about it like making s’mores by a campfire. In order to make that glorious, ooey-gooey sandwich of goodness absolutely perfect, the marshmallow needs to be on point. If you shove that bad boy right into the middle of the fire, you’ll have a flaming meteor of carcinogens. Definitely not the business.
If you don’t get close enough, you have a cold marshmallow that won’t melt the chocolate and will make you hate all of mankind when you bite into cold layers of graham cracker, marshmallow and chocolate, not a s’more.
Instead you need to find that happy medium where your marshmallow can get enough heat to gently melt it all the way to the core while maintaining a slightly burnt, tropical-vacation-golden-brown exterior.
Yes, there are times when we are too much, when we push things too far. But a burnt marshmallow doesn’t mean we put out the fire. We adjust and learn from our burns, our wounds, our insecurities.
Our greatest strengths lie both in our joys and in our deepest anxieties. We need to be willing to explore ourselves and find those qualities that make us who we are because once we find them, we can begin to apply them to our daily lives and give our loved ones only the best, most authentic versions of ourselves.
You think you’re too quiet? You’re probably incredibly perceptive. Think you care too much? You’re likely to be one person who cares enough. Think you’re too loud? Maybe you are just the catalyst to get people out of their shells and make life the party it should be.
When I swam up to the surface of that pool, I expected to see everyone still in their seats, frowning at the drunk girl who went too far. Instead, I broke the surface and opened my eyes to a pool full of people splashing around, smiling, laughing…taking off their clothes…
One of my friends swam over (half to talk, half to save me since my booze brain didn’t understand how to swim) and said, “Thanks for jumping in. That’s exactly what we all needed.”
Don’t be so quick to fix yourself; maybe you just don’t realize exactly how to use your gifts. Blame it on my Berkeley brain, but I don’t think you should ever throw away any part of yourself. Just recycle and reuse :)
So, be open to yourself, be open to explore. If you end up naked in a pool, eating a s’more, you’re probably on the right track.
Thanks for reading!
