Wait. Hold on.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
Ok, I'm almost--
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.
Okay. I'm composed.
Today, I looked at my old MySpace. All I can say is...
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA.
Honestly, guys. What the HELL was that all about? Remember the days when everyone was a computer programmer all of a sudden and knew how to pimp their page, custom backgrounds and theme music galore? It was saaoooo cool to LyKe ToTaLLy x-PrEsS UrSeLf ThrU Ur PaGe.
Ugh. I can't even read that. I feel like I just had a stroke.
I think seeing my MySpace was particularly hilarious because the last time I did anything to it was when I was a senior in high school. Now, let me tell you, 18 year old Angie was a special kind of Angie.
This is what I looked like:
Pretty much the same. I don't really chew gum anymore.
But MySpace has more to offer than that. I browsed through old comments and they make NO sense.
Example:
"I'm glad you remembered my birthday. Yes, I did come to school today. I also semi enjoyed the note you left on my back window. It made me want to be a real magician."
I just can't make that shit up.
But even beyond the ridiculous teenage conversations about magicians and that epic night when we had, like, a beer, I absolutely LOVED reading my "about me" section. I was immediately sucked back in time--as awkward and "misunderstood" as ever.
Oh, teenage angst. I was such an asshole. Thinking about me as a teenager makes me want to give birth to a 25 year old so I can skip all those years of misdirected anger and...bodily changes.
Gross.
I love what I wrote about myself because you can tell how confused I was when writing it. I was confused but honest.
"About Me:
Id like to say Im simple but Im not. I might be one of the most complicated people you meet but i think thats what makes me so intriguing. i love music but dont like to dance. i think like an athlete but act like a noob. i value friendship and my family above anything except the big man, G-O-D. i learn from my mistakes but months after its happened. i love electronic stuff. im a really big nerd. i read scientific american. i like knowing random facts. i like to think im a bad ass, but im not. i give myself too much time to think. im emotional. i like to talk but i like listening better. i hate talking on the phone. i live to text. my little brother is one of my best friends and im not ashamed to admit it. im always willing to fix a problem. i feel naked without my cell phone. my favorite color is tiffany blue. i like to pick up the check. i want to join the peace corps. i believe that the only reason we die is because otherwise, people wouldnt value life or take it seriously. i want to be like my sister. i crave attention. ive made 'people watching' a professional sport. i love to sit on my deck and listen to jack johnson under the stars. i have parties but i dont drink very often. i tend to judge people but im working on it. im loud when i first meet you, then i mellow out when we become friends. i have a "parent face". im more spiritual than religious. my favorite food is potatoes. i have stress induced insomnia. awkwardness is my worst enemy. i cant live without my friends and i hope everyday, they think the same thing."
Conceited yet insecure. Intimate but superficial. Incorrect punctuation. Punctuation is for conformists.
And so fucking accurate.
I clearly don't understand a thing about myself. I have a pile of puzzle pieces, but I don't know what it's supposed to look like. It was a jumbled mess that my baby brain just couldn't figure out.
This is why I write EVERYDAY.
I recently had a conversation with my roommate about measuring how far we've come in the past couple of years. Pictures and awards can only say so much. Nothing beats reading your own writing.
Yeah, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, but when you have a line like "I'd like to say I'm simple, but I'm not," I'll take quality over quantity any day.
Who I am today, right now, is what I was looking for when I wrote those words. When I try to look back and figure out how far I've come, I try not to think about what I've accomplished or where I've succeeded--I look at how much I've come to understand myself.
Every moment in our lives, success and failure included, helps us to get to know ourselves that much better and bring us that much closer to truly understanding what we have to offer the world. How we react when faced with a challenge speaks more to our character than if we won or lost.
I write everyday to document my fears, my assumptions, my confusion, because the only way I know that I've gotten close to finding myself is by looking at how lost I once was.
I encourage you to write everyday. Doesn't have to be long. Even just a snippet on a napkin. People think journals are for pussies, but I promise you won't regret it. There's more to it than just remembering what you did that day. It's remembering that day through the lens of a younger, sometimes stupider, you.
So, write as often as possible. Share some, keep most for yourself.
Sometimes there are things we can't say. But you can write everything.
Stay classy, luvbugz :)
No comments:
Post a Comment