Next stop, COLLEGE.

Today is the day--"Doom's Day" as my friend Brittany likes to call it.

Today at 4 pm, I will know where I am going to college. I've spent every day for the past three years dreaming of this moment and it's finally here. But I don't see this as crossing the finish; I see it as toeing the starting line.

This round of decision letters is just as nerve-racking as the one 3 years ago, but the circumstances are definitely a little different. Three years ago, my entire future relied on one little envelope from Santa Clara University (or so I thought). In April of 2010, I am caught between two of the best universities in the United States. But, really, the biggest question here is...HOW THE FUCK DID I GET HERE?!!?

As I may have mentioned (whined about) at some point in this blog, I was rejected by pretty much everyone right out of high school. My grades sucked, I wrote my essays in a day and I basically picked my colleges out of a hat.

Recipe for success? Not so much.

I didn't respect the process, so it didn't respect me. This year, with the help of SO MANY PEOPLE, I learned to respect the process and, in turn, learned to respect myself. Three years ago, I never thought I'd even get the chance to think, "Yeah, I'll most likely get into UCLA." Today I'm waiting on Berkeley.

No, seriously. I'm waiting to see if UC Berkeley is taking me.

As crazy as it sounds, it doesn't really feel like I'm chasing a dream. All the people that have helped me along the way (special shout out to Bev, Jake and Luis!) have done more than just proofread my essays--they've made me believe that colleges would be LUCKY to have me.

*cue sappy music* tears, tears, tears.

Ok, we're back. In all seriousness, I would not have this level of confidence if it wasn't for the unconditional love and support I've received from my friends and my family. Of course my dad was TERRIFIED when I said I'd be going to community college. All I could do was ask him to trust me and let me figure this out on my own. An acceptance from UCLA, UC San Diego and 2 (maybe 5...we'll see in a few weeks) scholarships later, I think he made the right decision.

So, as I was perusing (scrambling) around the internet this morning looking for Berkeley decision news, I found this article. The title may seem a little morbid (not the word I'm looking for?) on a decision day like this, but it pretty much sums up my mentality for the past 3 years.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704211704575139891390595962.html

A line in the article from Columbia University President Lee Bollinger could inspire more than just college students:

"His advice: Don't let rejections control your life. To 'allow other people's assessment of you to determine your own self-assessment is a very big mistake...The question really is, who at the end of the day is going to make the determination about what your talents are, and what your interests are? That has to be you."

As a high school senior, I let little pieces of paper determine my self-worth. I was a misled and really, really stupid 18-year-old kid pretending to actually want something for my life. Now, I'm a 21-year-old woman ready to embark on the next step/adventure in life. All I can say is thank you to everyone who has supported me, thanks to all the haters who have fueled the fire, and thank you, self, for finally deciding to sack up and take control of your life.

No matter what goes down at 4 pm, there's gonna be a celebration tonight.